Psychologically oriented articles

Vacations should be Fun

Most people think of vacations as fun, relaxing times. For many they are, but for others vacations can be stressful and disappointing!  Why is that?  Too often people are anxious about money, try to do too much, are exhausted by travel, and don’t do what they want. Here are some ideas about vacationing.

1.    Establish a budget and stay within it.  If you can’t afford a vacation, don’t go.

2.    Don’t try to do too much. Inevitably the people I meet in Europe who can’t wait to get home have been in “ten countries in ten days”!

3.    Make sure there is plenty of time for rest and relaxation. Being is probably more important than seeing.

4.     Figure out what you like to do and do it. Often people go places and do things because conventional wisdom says they should.  If you don’t like cities, don’t go to New York.

5.    Stop at regular intervals and process your experience. If things are going right, then do something else. It is your time and money. The agenda can always be changed.

6.    Be open to new experiences. It can be fun and exciting to try new things and meet new people. Learning about a new culture can especially be invigorating.

7.    Figure out what is important for your welfare and peace of mind.  For example driving, bus or train travel can be stressful in certain countries. It may be worth it to hire a driver, even though it costs more than other kinds of travel. The lessening of stress may be worth the extra cost. Only you know what is important to you.

8.    Plan ahead. Some people like to head out and develop their plan as it unfolds. That is one way to go, but most people probably do best with good advance planning. Reservations take away anxiety and often save time and money. The Internet makes vacation planning available to all.

9.    Be safe. Use common sense about where you go, where you keep your valuables, and whom you trust. Use your instincts. Tourists are usually easy to identify. Be careful. The concierge services in hotels can be most helpful.

If you are rested, stimulated, and even more curious after your vacation, it  has been a good one!

Let’s Keep the Choppers on the Ground

The term “Helicopter Parents” has become part of our national lexicon. It refers to ambitious, competitive parents who hover, micromanage, and over direct their children. Such parents often live in highly competitive geographical areas, where a children’s “success” is a reflection of their parents’ prowess.  Helicopter parents are often successful people, who have learned the ingredients of position and affluence such as hard work, good social skills, and quality education. Thus it is tempting for them to “educate” their children so that they too will find success.

To keep the helicopters flying, a child must succeed, often in multiple areas. School is all-important, but sports, clubs, the arts, travel, and charity work count too. The pressure on parents and children can be enormous. Unfortunately, often helicopter parents don’t have faith in their children’s ability to find their way through the inevitable trial and error process that constitutes growing up, and they decide to be the architect of their children’s development.

If parents hover too much, children may develop the kinds of symptoms that will bring them to see the psychologist. The parents agenda not surprisingly is too “fix the kid” and get him back on track. The child expects another adult telling him what to do.  Problems presented often are academic underachievement, depression, substance abuse, and “ADD”.

Treatment of such families is not easy for anyone. The parents have to trust the therapist and be open to a new paradigm. They need to provide structure for safety, but give more choice to their child. Classic areas of control that have to be given up by the parents are homework, grades, music, friends, food, and activities.  Often the child has become dependent on a parent, and he or she is frightened of freedom and responsibility. The therapist’s job is to help the child take new risks, which have been desired, but also feared.

It is an exciting time, when parents have the courage to let their children be and refocus on their own lives. Not surprisingly their children begin to demonstrate a new vitality and openness that has been underground as they begin to design a life of their own making.