Vacations should be Fun

Most people think of vacations as fun, relaxing times. For many they are, but for others, vacations can be stressful and disappointing!  Why is that?  Too often people are anxious about money, try to do too much, are exhausted by travel, and don’t do what they want. Here are some ideas about vacationing
  
1. Establish a budget and stay within it.  If you can’t afford a vacation, don’t go.
2. Don’t try to do too much. Inevitably the people I meet in Europe who can’t wait to get home have been in “ten countries in ten days”!
3. Make sure there is plenty of time for rest and relaxation. Being is probably more important than seeing.
4. Figure out what you like to do and do it. Often people go places and do things because conventional wisdom says they should.  If you don’t like cities, don’t go to New York.
5. Stop at regular intervals and process your experience. If things are going right, then do something else. It is your time and money. The agenda can always be changed.
6. Be open to new experiences. It can be fun and exciting to try new things and meet new people. Learning about a new culture can especially be invigorating.
7. Figure out what is important for your welfare and peace of mind.  For example driving, bus or train travel can be stressful in certain countries. It may be worth it to hire a driver, even though it costs more than other kinds of travel. The lessening of stress may be worth the extra cost. Only you know what is important to you.
8. Plan ahead. Some people like to head out and develop their plan as it unfolds. That is one way to go, but most people probably do best with good advance planning. Reservations take away anxiety and often save time and money. The Internet makes vacation planning available to all.
9. Be safe. Use common sense about where you go, where you keep your valuables, and whom you trust. Use your instincts. Tourists are usually easy to identify. Be careful. The concierge services in hotels can be most helpful.
If you are rested, stimulated, and even more curious after your vacation, it has been a good one!

Marfa, Texas

Stories from the Road
May 15, 2015
Marfa, Texas
 Hotel Pisano

Marfa is known for its big skies, and today was no exception. After taking photos of the town, we drove out to the local golf course. The woman in charge was very nice, and we met her husband, who was the course superintendent in addition to the golf pro. I bought a Marfa Golf Course hat and was sorry I hadn’t brought my clubs. The greens fees were $9.50 for nine holes, and there was no one on the course. We saw the tent being set up for the rehearsal barbecue

tonight and the golf course lady thought the wedding reception might be at a nearby farm.

On the way back to town we saw a local sheriff catch two traffic violators within several minutes. I immediately slowed down. Before town, Vicki spotted three antelope in a nearby field, and we stopped to take pictures. The animals gradually separated and moved further away as we got closer, though I managed to get some good shots with my telephoto lens.

Tonight Betsy and Josh hosted a barbecue at the local golf course. We sat at long tables that seated forty of fifty people and looked out over thousands of acres of pastureland. It was right out of “Giant”. I sat next to a very nice couple from Pennsylvania. They had lived in Europe for seven years, as the husband worked as a civilian contractor with the Army. Their son became an expert skier and later graduated from Annapolis. He now is a Navy pilot and now lives on Whidbey Island in Washington State. Their daughters are also accomplished, professional people who live in Pennsylvania. I hope we can spend more time with the couple tomorrow.

Josh and Betsy had planned to show an outdoor movie accompanied by popcorn and root beer floats. Unfortunately, a big storm with high winds swept across the golf course, and many of us scampered to our cars. Vicki and I returned to the hotel, and I am not sure if others stayed to try to wait out the rain or not.

Mt. Blanc

Mount Blanc, the highest mountain in Western Europe at more than15, 000 feet, dominates the landscape in Chamonix, a French alpine town. On a clear day it can easily be viewed from Switzerland and Italy.

I had come there in the early nineties to climb the mountain with my wife Vicki and a Chamonix Mountain Guide. We had arrived by train from northern Italy, where we had been hiking for a week in the Dolomites with Mountain/Travel Sobek, the adventure travel company. We were fit and ready to try Blanc.

mountain hut

Chamonix Mountain Guides are like professional athletes in the United States. Their training is long and arduous, and they command tremendous respect wherever they go in the mountains. The night before the two-day climb we met our guide, who in contrast to Pierre, the guide who took us over the Haute Route from Chamonix to Zermatt years earlier, was mild mannered and quiet.

The first day we took a train partway up a flank of the mountain. We started hiking around noon through a boulder field that was steep and difficult. At one point we roped up and wore hard hats. The sun was hot, and I was getting very tired. Halfway up the route, we came to a steep shoot. The crossing technique involved clipping onto a rope which traversed the steep snow and then inching one’s way across. There was an excitement to it all.

In the late afternoon,


we reached our destination for the evening, a hut on the edge of the glacier leading to the summit of Mt. Blanc. The hut, which typically doesn’t turn anyone away, was packed. Though we had a reservation, which allowed us to have some space in a sleeping bin, we saw that many people did not. They stretched out on the floor or wherever they could find empty space.

on trail

I slept fitfully that night as I was anxious about the climb and because of a  young German man, who slept next to me, keep poking me in the head with his elbow in between his loud snores. At 1:00 AM our guide woke us, and after hastily dressing, we put on crampons and headlamps before tying into the rope. The air was cold, and though other parties had started out at the same time, the distance between us made the night silent. All I could hear was the crunch of my boots on the hard snow. We had left at night so as to get the benefit of walking on frozen snow rather than the slush that came with the sunshine in the middle of the day. The night also reduced the danger of avalanche, since at that time the frozen snow wasn’t going to slide. The moon and stars were prominent. Parties of 6 or 7 people snaking up the frozen mountain on their ropes gave the scene an eerie quality.

on the summit

After many hours of climbing which wasn’t particularly difficult, we reached a knoll, where we put on out Gore-Tex suits. The wind was picking up, as we prepared to walk along a narrow ridge on the way to the summit. At seven in the morning, I walked over a slight crest to the top of Europe. In the distance, I could see Mount Paradiso in Italy and the Matterhorn in Zermatt. People from all over the world surrounded us, taking pictures and laughing in celebration... The air was very cold, so shortly we began our descent down the glacier on our way back to Chamonix.

Two days later we were settled in a beautiful hotel in Kandersteg, Switzerland. As I ate lunch by the pool, I looked up at the snow covered peaks behind our hotel in the mountains and thought of future climbs and adventures in the high peaks of Western Europe.

Stories from the Road
July 21, 2016
Seattle, WA.
Inn at the Market


If you want a construction job, Seattle is the place to come. Today we walked around the city, and it seemed that a new building was going up on

every block. The place is booming!

After breakfast in a small café in our hotel, we began walking towards REI’s flagship store. On the way, we hit Mountain Hardware. Columbia, Arcteryx, and Feathered Friends gear shops.  I didn’t buy anything since golf is my game now, but it was fun to look at all the great products. Finally, we reached REI, which is a remarkable store, whether or not you are an outdoor person. It features three floors of clothing and gear along with an outdoor mountain bike path and an indoor climbing wall.

On the way to the Space Needle to see the Chihuly Glass exhibit, we found a boutique lunch spot, which was excellent. Vicki and I split a chicken salad, which had warm potatoes, olives, hard-boiled eggs, and fresh pieces of chicken. The dressing of mayonnaise with mustard seed and garlic was excellent as was the salad. For dessert, we split a scoop of peach praline ice cream accompanied by a homemade cookie.

The glass exhibit was more interesting than I thought it would be. The pieces were colorful and spectacular. Many were twenty feet high. I remember seeing some of the artist’s work in Venice last year. Some of the smaller pieces were selling for 5-10 thousand dollars in the gift shop, so I can only imagine what the twenty footers went for.

Dinner tonight was at Etta’s Seafood restaurant along the waterfront. Our waitress was exuberant and reminded me of the servers in Scotland. Every time you ordered they said “lovely”.  The reinforcement never stopped coming! Vicki had halibut, and I had salmon. After dinner, we watched the Republican convention before turning the light off.

Responsibility

Most parents would tell you that they want their children to grow up to be responsible adults. Who wouldn’t want that? However many parents act in ways which foster dependency, not responsibility and independence. They do things for their children that the children could do for themselves. The reasons are multifold. They want to be helpful, they want to feel useful, and they may be afraid that their children won’t need them.

Once you decide you want your children to be less dependent and more self-sufficient, you will need to be strategic in your interactions with the kids. Children can be very clever and relentless in their quest of avoiding responsibility and concomitant anxiety.

Here are some verbal examples for transferring ownership of a problem:

Child: I can’t figure this out.
Parent: What will you do?

Child:  How am I going to get to the mall?
Parent: Do you have a plan?

Child: I am really upset!
Parent:  How can I help you?

Parents can help children figure out their problems, but they have to keep in mind whose problems they are. Solving problems too often for a child may bring gratification for the child, but it doesn’t help the child develop feelings of competence and self-esteem.

Enabling is easy, but drawing boundaries and being firm is

hard because such positions can create conflict and anxiety.

Bordeaux 2017

Staying Mentally Tuned

In our fast paced, type A, culture, it is easy to burn out. We can get tired, frustrated, grumpy, and out of sorts with ourselves. Life quickly can become a burden, and even the smallest task can feel like lifting a 50-pound weight!

There is a feeling for many that any time spent not working is “wasted time” and that productivity is what counts.  Too much work can negatively affect our health, families, and overall sense of well-being. It is no wonder it is hard to find a therapist with open times.

So what is the solution to all this? After all, we have to earn a living, and raising children is expensive in the Unites States. The hippies were popular in the 60’s, but they aren’t around anymore. Even the Alaskan Bush people need money!

Here are some ideas:

1.    Exercise regularly.  You don’t need a fancy gym. The Pilgrims didn’t have one.

2.    Learn to breathe deeply and relax no matter where you are.

3.    Surround yourself with nurturing friends. Be refreshed by social life, not drained.

4.    Try to take vacations longer than a week. They don’t have to be expensive. Do fun things that refresh you.

5.    Eat food that you like. Look forward to your meals.

6.    Talk about your concerns with trusted others. Don’t go solo.

7.    Structure your day. Live smart! Make good use of your time.

8.    Periodically take inventory. Look at your path and make sure it is still working for you.

9.    Develop hobbies and fun things to do. Be creative.

10. Develop a path and follow it. It may be different than those around you.

Wisdom from the Naked City: Improving Communication

“ There are eight million stories in the naked city, and tonight you have seen one of them.” This was how the popular detective show, The Naked City, ended every episode in the 1950’s and early 1960’s.  Therapists know that every man has a story and that if you listen carefully to that story, a profound experience of empathic understanding can unfold.

A person’s story emanates from familial, cultural, societal, and genetic influences. Like a snowflake, everyone’s story is different, even for people raised in similar circumstances. In our fast-paced society, people often don’t take the time or have the patience to listen to others.

How often have you had someone ask you a question, only to then carry on about his or her experience? This is a common occurrence. One result is that people don’t learn about each other. They listen to themselves talk over and over. Here are some things to try to improve communication and to learn more about others and thus the world.

1. Listen without talking to a friend. Instead of responding, ask a question about the topic at hand. Then ask another question.
2. Even if you don’t agree with the point being made, don’t jump in with an opinion. Listen and try to fully understand the other person’s point. There will be time for talking later.
3. People talk most freely, when they feel safe and received without judgment.  Asking relevant questions communicates to the speaker that you are listening and interested. This kind of engagement can lead to creative, productive discussion.

In the United States, people can easily be sidetracked from authentic interpersonal engagement by the seduction of materialism, money, and status. If you find yourself under stimulated or bored in the company of others, remember the words in The Naked City.

Guacamole Italian Style

Mash some avocados in a bowl. Leave the mix chunky
Add chopped tomatoes and chopped white onion
Add juice from a fresh lemon
Add a little white vinegar
Add salt, pepper, seasoned salt, and garlic salt.
Serve with robust chips from Whole Foods

A Day to Remember

John McCarron, a past president of SDPA, was a friend of mine. He died from brain cancer some years ago, long after he had moved to Telluride, Colorado, where he went to pursue his passion of skiing. John was a skier’s skier if you will, as he went down all kinds of terrain on a variety of equipment. He mainly skied, but he also snow boarded and used a mono ski. At one point I believe he had thirty pairs of skies. He skied on trail, off trail, and in the backcountry. He took courses on avalanche safety. He and his wife, Jane Reldan, traveled to Canada to helicopter ski in the wild Bugaboo Mountains.

Years ago my wife Vicki and I went with John to Taos, New Mexico to ski for the day from our “base camp” in Santa Fe. The day was stormy and more than 50 inches of snow had fallen within a short period. An avalanche had immobilized one of the ski lift stanchions, and much of the mountain was closed. John and I outfitted our skies with long, red streamers so that they would be easier to find in the event we lost a ski in the deep Taos powder.

John took me to Al’s Run, but I balked after looking down the fall line of this steep, deeply moguled trail. Eventually, we ended up on a fun trail with snow up to our waists. The snow fell heavily as we hooted our way down the slope again and again. The day had a magical feel to it, and it was impossible to think of anything but the mountain and the snow.  Time after time I watched John sink to his chest in the deep snow, as he carved turns in front of me.

Though I didn’t know I wouldn’t have that many runs left with John, I was aware that this was a rare day considering the storm, deep powder, uncrowded slopes, and great company. At the end of the day we basked in the warm glow that spreads through a skier when the powder’s been good, the skis responsive, and the air crisp. We drank beer in fellowship and talked of mountains, skiing, and far away places. Then we made our way back to Santa Fe in the encroaching darkness.  Once there we ate dinner and skied through the timeless powder of our dreams.

Stories from the road
June 4, 2017
Brookline, Mass.

Kitchen

We hung out with Richard Gere yesterday, not literally, but at a movie theater in West Newton, where” Norman” was playing. The independent movie was quirky, but Vicki and I liked it. Dennis said he’d pick the movie next time.

Formal wear

Earlier in the day, we had visited the Eustis Estate, a historic house in Milton, Mass. Built in the 1800’s the house and the grounds were spectacular. The man who built the house owned several companies and raised his twin boys there. They were excellent athletes and went on to Harvard and successful lives.

This morning we’ll take the subway into Boston and cruise some shops along Newbury Street before heading to the park to photograph swans. Dennis lives a couple of blocks from a subway stop, and the ride to downtown, which is four miles away, is short. The Patagonia and Arcteryx shops will be on our itinerary.

Eustis Estate with Dennis

This afternoon we’ll take an Uber to Logan International Airport. Thus will end a five-week journey through three countries, where Vicki and I have entered the lives, however briefly, of many people. The back-story to this trip has been the graduation from high school and college of numerous young people I have known since early childhood. Time does march on, and I agree with my friend Sam Cabot, who espouses doing something when the opportunity presents itself.

Southern California is a fun place to live with constant sunshine, great recreational opportunities, and for us, friends who live a stone's throw away. On the other hand,
the memories of fresh clam chowder, fried clams, and boiled lobster don’t easily fade away: nor do the internal photos of brilliant fall colors. The smell of burning leaves is never forgotten. Reuniting with old friends, who continue to be markers of meaning, enhance these sensory experiences and become spiritual sustenance.

Forward of Backward

We all need to go in reverse for short distances so that we can maneuver our vehicles forward. Rarely do you see someone driving in reverse back down the highway for any distance. Conventional wisdom says we don’t give a lot of responsibility to people who are “backward.” We like forward thinkers, not backward thinkers. The Splash Brothers

move the ball forward not to the backcourt. Evolution suggests that people move forward. Go figure.