“ There are eight million stories in the naked city, and tonight you have seen one of them.” This was how the popular detective show, The Naked City, ended every episode in the 1950’s and early 1960’s. Therapists know that every man has a story and that if you listen carefully to that story, a profound experience of empathic understanding can unfold.
A person’s story emanates from familial, cultural, societal, and genetic influences. Like a snowflake, everyone’s story is different, even for people raised in similar circumstances. In our fast-paced society, people often don’t take the time or have the patience to listen to others.
How often have you had someone ask you a question, only to then carry on about his or her experience? This is a common occurrence. One result is that people don’t learn about each other. They listen to themselves talk over and over. Here are some things to try to improve communication and to learn more about others and thus the world.1. Listen without talking to a friend. Instead of responding, ask a question about the topic at hand. Then ask another question.
2. Even if you don’t agree with the point being made, don’t jump in with an opinion. Listen and try to fully understand the other person’s point. There will be time for talking later.
3. People talk most freely, when they feel safe and received without judgment. Asking relevant questions communicates to the speaker that you are listening and interested. This kind of engagement can lead to creative, productive discussion.
In the United States, people can easily be sidetracked from authentic interpersonal engagement by the seduction of materialism, money, and status. If you find yourself under stimulated or bored in the company of others, remember the words in The Naked City.
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