Wisdom from the Naked City: Improving Communication

“ There are eight million stories in the naked city, and tonight you have seen one of them.” This was how the popular detective show, The Naked City, ended every episode in the 1950’s and early 1960’s.  Therapists know that every man has a story and that if you listen carefully to that story, a profound experience of empathic understanding can unfold.

A person’s story emanates from familial, cultural, societal, and genetic influences. Like a snowflake, everyone’s story is different, even for people raised in similar circumstances. In our fast-paced society, people often don’t take the time or have the patience to listen to others.

 

How often have you had someone ask you a question, only to then carry on about his or her experience? This is a common occurrence. One result is that people don’t learn about each other. They listen to themselves talk over and over. Here are some things to try to improve communication and to learn more about others and thus the world.

1.    Listen without talking to a friend. Instead of responding, ask a question about the topic at hand. Then ask another question.

2.    Even if you don’t agree with the point being made, don’t jump in with an opinion. Listen and try to fully understand the other person’s point. There will be time for talking later.

3.    People talk most freely, when they feel safe and received without judgment.  Asking relevant questions communicates to the speaker that you are listening and interested. This kind of engagement can lead to creative, productive discussion.

In the United States, people can easily be sidetracked from authentic interpersonal engagement by the seduction of materialism, money, and status. If you find yourself under stimulated or bored in the company of others, remember the words in The Naked City. 

London

Stories from the Road
June 11, 2015
Hotel Nadler, SoHo

We saw “The Audience” last night. It is a play about the meetings of Queen Elizabeth over the years with her different prime ministers. I enjoyed it, but I found it hard to hear all the lines between my hearing, the English accents, and the location of our seats. Over the next week, we hope to see more musicals, having seen the “Jersey Boys” the other night.

Vicki and I split a pizza before the show last evening. Our accompanying salad was excellent, and the bill was more than reasonable. Everything is expensive in London. Pounds are about $1.60, and spending ten is not spending ten dollars!

This morning we went to buy tickets for “Thriller,” the musical about Michael Jackson. The ticket saleswoman was pleasant and turned out to be the fiancée of the lead in “Jersey Boys “. The actor with the great New Jersey accent comes from Scotland. The role is so exhausting that he only does three shows a week, and an alternate does the other two.  The show has been running for six years in London, and he has been in his role for two. He started out as a dancer and now has singing roles. When I asked if he needed to rest a lot, she made a face and said, “Yes, a lot of rest.” The couple will marry in August.

We walked another seven miles today, and we are resting now, before we go to dinner before seeing the musical, “The Commitments” at 7:30. There are hundreds of restaurants in the SoHo area, so we’ll have no problem finding a place. The pubs are bursting at the seams at night with young people drinking inside and out. However, a new type of restaurant has sprung up in London. These are cafeteria places that feature fresh, healthy, good tasting food. They provide long community tables with attractive surroundings. We have eaten meals at several of them.

Cazenovia

Stories from the Road
July 9, 2015
Lake Cazenovia, NY

We ate dinner last night at our hotel, The Brewster Inn. It was peaceful sitting by the window looking out at the lake as we dined. There was a table of attractive young people dining near us. After dinner, they walked to the lake, got into a speedboat, and motored to the other side of Lake Cazenovia. That was very cool.

Our dinner last night was delicious, The Inn offers half portions at a lesser price, and we both took advantage of this deal. I had filet mignon and Vicki had a chicken dish. A Tanqueray Ten martini preceded my meal, and for dessert, we ordered a homemade blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream.

Breakfast comes with our room, and I was surprised to find plates of salami and cheese in addition to fruit, cereals, and bagels. The buffet definitely had a European touch to it.

After breakfast, we met Vicki’s cousin Peter at the Cazenovia Golf Club. We had a fun round, though the course is very hilly and challenging. A cat jumped into my golf cart and rode a few holes. He had done the same thing a couple of years ago, and I remembered him.

The Cazenovia area, located near Syracuse, is very attractive.  I find myself drawn to the lakes and rolling green hills that make up the area. The winters are brutal. That is a fact. And they last a long time. It also rains a lot here! One benefit of all the water is beautiful lawns, flowers, and forests.

The woman at the counter at the golf club remembered us from a couple of years ago. She makes great sandwiches and is a pleasant person. I told her she needed to bring her sandwich making skill to Southern California.

Have a nice evening.