Molly's Game

I saw Molly's Game the other night at the La Jolla 12.  It is not a good endorsement of a movie, I suppose, when you keep wondering when it is going to end. Though the story is interesting, I found the movie to be tedious and drawn out.  The film tells the story of a real person's journey from ski champion to high stakes gambling promoter. I was actually more interested in Molly's brother Jeremy, who was a champion mogul skier and later an NFL football player. His character appears briefly in the film.

The film tries to present Molly as a naïve person with integrity, but I couldn't get behind that view. I had recently seen The Darkest Hour about Winston Churchill's valiant effort to rally his fellow politicians around the cause of resistance. That was like going to a 5-star restaurant. Molly's Game was a quick stop at Burger King.

The Darkest Hour

Gary Oldman, Kristen Scott Thomas, Lily James, and the rest of the cast of the Darkest Hour manage to expertly channel some of the most important moments of World War II into a story of intrigue, courage, and decision-making. Flawed and difficult, Winston Churchill showed great leadership while under enormous pressure from those around him. Seeing the movie is like reading an interesting history book that one can't put down.

The Shape of Water

We saw The Shape of Water the other night. The movie had received good press, but I wasn't thrilled about seeing it. I walked into Cineopolis in Del Mar thinking I might get a good nap in one of the theatre's luxury seats.

Within a short time, I was surprised when I become engrossed in this allegory of love, connection, and compassion. In this age of hate mongering, prejudice, and intolerance, the movie is a refreshing reminder of what is important.

Sallie Hawkins is outstanding in her role as a mute woman. The rest of the cast is also excellent. The movie is creative and worth seeing.

Breakfast Men

Four of them came through the door with John Deere and Big Cat embroidered on their ball caps. Others with similar headgear and flannel shirts were already seated, drinking hot cups of Joe and eating heaping portions of bacon, eggs, and toast.

Though they are harder to find than they used to be, these cafes can still be seen spread out across America's west. The men who frequent these spots are on their way to work, and that they ease into their day with coffee and eggs, idle chatter, and spunky waitresses. The men almost always have a weathered look from years of working hard, physical, outdoor jobs.

In the old days after breakfast, the guys smoked unfiltered cigarettes and spoke in low tones about jobs and bosses.  The topic of machinery came up, as did upcoming weekend hunting and fishing trips. The cafes had a rhythm to them that was similar from place to place.

I thought of these places I had seen today when I had breakfast in Pacifica Breeze in Del Mar. There were no men in Caterpillar hats, but some guys had straw on. Muffins and croissants had replaced bacon and eggs, and I saw one regular drinking a glass of prosecco. The young servers were polite and deferential, unlike the cafe women who were loud and confrontational.

There were quite a few dogs at Breeze, and I can't say I ever saw a dog in a Western Cafe. If one of the heavy machinery guys had a dog with him, he left it in the rear of his pick up.

As I began my walk up the hill towards my house a mile and a half away, I thought about those cafes in Colorado, Montana, and New Mexico, and I swear I heard the sound of bacon crackling on a grill.

Staying Sane in a Crazy World

How does one cope with multiple fires, floods, earthquakes, and hurricanes? Those are only the natural disasters! Many countries are warring with each other; the political situation in our country is volatile and unpredictable. Add to this one's day-to-day problems in career management, child rising, and finances, and you have a formula for stress, anxiety, and depression.

Each of us only has limited power to make a change on large levels, but we can manage our stress levels. Through thoughtful planning, we can minimize toxicity and contamination. Here are some ideas for coping and enjoying life in these times.

1.  Limit your news watching. Too much negative information will become a prism through which you see the world.
2.  Control your life. Establish routines and predictable ways of functioning. Manage your money well. Get professional counsel.
3.  Cultivate good friends. Laughter and fun are good antidotes to stress.
4. Eat well and make good food a priority.
5.  Work at your hobby, be it a sport or craft. Enjoy a sense of accomplishment.
6.  Stay healthy. Work out, walk, and be outdoors. See you doctor and dentist for regular check-ups.
7.  Think through what matters to you and spend your time, energy, and money in those areas.
8.  Don't let problems fester. See professionals when necessary. Consult a physical therapist, an attorney, a financial planner, or a psychologist when you need to. Procrastination creates more stress.
9.  Pilates, yoga, and meditation have been soothing for many. In our fast-paced world, they can help you slow down and become reacquainted with yourself.
10.  Spend time appreciating beauty whether it is expressed through art, music, or nature.

3 Billboards

“My daughter Angela was murdered 7 months ago, it seems to me the police department is too busy torturing black folk to solve actual crimes. “

This quote from actress Francis McDormand sets the stage for the powerful movie, 3 Billboards. Themes of loss, vengeance, prejudice, and guilt are played out through a number of actors who give fine performances. Francis McDormand is sure to get an Academy nomination. Woody Harrelson is superb. This is a gritty movie that psychologists will love. It is a must see.

Pasta and the Big Dig

The Milford Track in New Zealand is one of the great treks in the world as is the hike to Everest Base camp. The Haute Route from Chamonix to Zermatt has a well-earned reputation for toughness, scenery, and alpine history. Those who have hiked up the Baltoro Glacier in Pakistan to view K-2, the earth’s second highest mountain, often claim personal transformation.

Boston, Massachusetts doesn’t have any mountains, but there is a walk there that is worth knowing about. I have done this urban trek several times, and I guarantee it for adventure, great food, good exercise, and exquisite shopping.


The fall, when the air is crisp and winter beckons, is the best time to go, as Boston can be hot and humid in the summer. Wearing good walking shoes, go to Charles Street and cruise the antique shops. Drink cappuccino at one of the tasteful bistros that line this historic way. Head north up Beacon Hill through Louisburg Square and see the incredible homes there. You’ll wind around the back of the Capitol Building and begin your descent towards Faneuil Hall and the Quincy Market area. Absolutely resist the temptation to eat at the wonderful food courts there and cover your eyes when you pass Durgin and Park, a restaurant, which is an institution in a city of fine eateries.

Find The Old Union Oyster House for your first major stop. The convention there is to have a half dozen raw oysters or perhaps a cup of fresh clam chowder if raw shellfish isn’t to your liking. Bass Ale is the perfect company for the fish or chowder. After an
appropriate rest, it’s time to walk again.


The results of the Big Dig will now appear. This was the biggest urban construction project ever carried out in this country. Many years in the making, the dig rerouted highways above and below ground. Soon you will view the Mecca for many, Boston’s North End. More Italian than Milan, the North End is teeming with life. Smells of olives and salami permeate the air, and old ladies in black dresses walk slowly, greeting their neighbors with warm smiles. Young men stand at the street corners and speak loudly in Italian and broken English. One of Boston’s finest drives by in a patrol car. Boomers from Wellesley and Concord make themselves too present. Bocce ball games are in progress.

You now will need to focus and concentrate. It’s time to find a place for pasta. The last time I was in the North End I was surprised, for many of the mom and pop restaurants that I liked were gone. More fancy, expensive restaurants have replaced them. At first, this doesn’t sound so good, until one realizes that these restaurants are really excellent.

After pasta one moves to a bakery for espresso and Italian pastries. Find an eatery with a street view and enjoy the continuing dramas that unfold outside. Then it’s time for some serious walking to burn off the calories so deliciously gained within the last few blocks. I would recommend a lengthy trek uphill to the Boston Gardens, scenically adorned with ponds and boats that are carved in the shape of swans. Go west to Newbury Street, a tasteful version of Rodeo Drive. There’s a Patagonia store there. You don’t really need a lot of mountain gear in Boston, but I usually find a way to rationalize the need for a new piece of clothing. From there satisfied trekkers will head east and then north back to Charles Street.


The whole walk covers about eight miles and should take much of the day if you do it right. No, it’s not the route to K-2, and there are no 8,000-meter peaks on the
trail, but then you can’t find calamari and pasta Pescatore at Everest base camp.

Holidays; Do they make us Happy?

We are supposed to be happy over the holidays.  After all, Santa is jovial, bright colors are everywhere, gifts are being exchanged, and Christmas and New Year’s parties are omnipresent. People say, “Merry Christmas” and “Happy New Year”, not “Depressed New Year”. Even Scrooge comes around in the end. So why is it that so many adults have trouble getting through the holidays without feeling down, depressed, sad, and lonely?

Part of the problem is that adults are the administrators of Christmas and not the beneficiaries as they were in their childhoods. Past a certain age, Christmas can never be the same again for many people. The wonder of waking up to presents, a beautiful tree, and a warm fire (if you live in New England!) is now replaced by frantically shopping for preferred gifts, paying bills, and trying to juggle work with holiday obligations.  Thoughts back to an idealized time can bring the experience of painful nostalgia accompanied by sadness and loneliness.

The New Year in some ways brings the promise of better things to come, but it also conjures up feeling about past failed expectations and disappointments. It also highlights the passage of time and the brevity of life.  Alcohol at such times becomes a celebratory lubricant in addition to one that attempts to bypass sorrows.

Here are some tips to help with managing the holidays.

1. Don’t expect too much.
2. Try to figure out what you want and not what the marketers tell you to want. It is OK to stay home on New Year’s Eve and go to bed at 10:00 P.M.
3. Go easy on the alcohol.
4. You don’t have to spend a lot of money.
5. Keep working out.
6. Establish traditions with your own family and group of friends.
7. Remember those who have gone.
8. Setting goals for the new year is a good idea, but they need to be realistic. Set them at three-month intervals at which times they can be reviewed and revised.
9. Be kind and generous to others. It is the holiday spirit that is important.

Lady Bird

Last night we saw the movie, Lady Bird, at Cineopolis in Del Mar. The film isn't about Lady Bird Johnson, but rather is a coming of age story about a young girl in a dysfunctional family in  Sacramento. Saoirse Ronan as the daughter is wonderful as is Debbie Metcalf, who plays her mother.  The movie tracks the vicissitudes of adolescence with authenticity and poignancy. It is a must see.

Columbo: The Master of Communication

Many teachers, parents, and others trying to impart information have trouble getting beyond stony silence from their students. Why is this? Is it a motivation question or something else? Often it is the latter.

If you watch some parents talk to their children that is often what you see. They talk to and not with their children. Too often people in charge lecture and criticize. If you see a quiet classroom, most likely the teacher isn't very interested in what his or her students have to say.

For stymied teachers and parents I would recommend several episodes of the old Columbo show, starring Peter Faulk. The reader may be thinking, "What, are you nuts?" Let me explain.

Columbo was a master communication strategist. He knew that accusations put people on the defensive and made them clam up. His style was to play dumb and place the problem within himself while asking his suspect to help him solve it. For example, he might say," I have a problem. Can you help me solve it? I am confused about a couple of things. You said you were here, but your wife says you were there. I just don't understand."

Using this model a parent might say," I am confused. You have told me that you want to go to Stanford, but I never see you do homework. How does that work? You seem to be going in the opposite direction you have told me many times you want to go in. Help me understand this."

In the classroom teachers who ask more questions in a curious way will have a livelier classroom. Statements like, " That is an interesting point that seems important. Elaborate on it so I can understand it," will excite and motivate students. Make the students the teachers and see what happens!

The Bureau: A show to see

The Bureau is a riveting, spy show from French television. The company that made the popular show, Spiral, has produced it. A French agency, which is that country's version of the C.I.A., is tasked with gathering intelligence and carrying out missions in Syria. Locations in this fast, past smartly written show include Paris, Damascus, Cyprus, and Ankara. The writing and acting are excellent, and whoever was in charge of casting is a genius!

A friend lent me his CDs of the three seasons of the bureau. You may have to search here and there to find the show, but it will be worth the hassle.

In Vegas

We parked on the second level of the South Pointe garage before taking the elevator down to the Casino on the second floor. We would meet our dinner companions in 45 minutes, so we decided to walk around the casino.

The people who work the tables always seem bored and detached to me. I can't think of a worse job. It is based on suspicion and distrust. I am sure they would get fired if they were too friendly. There are a lot of overweight people smoking and drinking while they play the slot machines. The lights and bells are alluring, and people are easily drawn into the action.

Suddenly the place is full of cowboys. There is a rodeo at the South point Equestrian arena, and the guys from Texas, Montana, Colorado, and Oklahoma are all here. The uniform is somewhat standard: big belts, wide-brimmed hats, jeans, and boots. The cowpunchers look good, and some care has been taken with their outfits.

I find the cowboys more interesting than the gamblers, and I study them for a long time before heading up to our restaurant for the prime rib special. For $19.95 we are served a salad, prime rib, and a baked potato. Our waitress looks older than she should.  I think Vegas must be a tough place to make a living.


After dinner, we set out GPS and wind our way across the city to our motel. Even with a GPS this isn't easy as the matrix of roads is complex, and the traffic is heavy. At our motel, I reflect on the evening and the odd nature of this place called Las Vegas.

Stopping the Bad Guys

Bad guys want time, darkness, and quiet to do their work. Let's not give it to them. Here are some suggestions to stop them. Please add more.

1.  Lock your side gates.  If the bad guys can't get into your backyard, they will have a harder time gaining access to your house. Brackets, which take a lock, are easy to install.

2.  Motion detector lights are a good deterrent. The crooks hate light.

3.  When an alarm sounds, watch them run.

4.  Get some cameras. No bad guy wants to be a film star.

5.  If possible, keep your cars in your garage. Then lock them. Don't leave any valuables in your cars whether in or out of your garage.

6. Locking mailboxes are a good idea. It is very easy to rob someone's mail.

7.  Have some lights on timers when you go away.

8.  Make sure your neighbors know your comings and goings. Look out for each other. Know who belongs in the neighborhood and who doesn't. Be aware!

9.  A "Beware of dog” sign makes them wonder.

Location!!!

Everyone has their own travel style which includes where to stay. Some like hotels, others prefer AirB& B and some prefer renting an apartment. Wherever you stay, location for many is an important variable. If you want to take cabs and trains or walk long distances, that is fine. I prefer to choose a location which is near the areas I will be visiting. For me, that is the most important consideration.

Once in Rome, we stayed in a beautiful hotel, but it was a long way from the city center. The last time there we booked a less glamorous hotel but one that was more centrally located. This worked out well. The advantages of a centrally located place to stay are numerous. Here are a few.

1.  You can walk around and easily come back to your hotel to rest. You can then go out again. In Venice the heat can be oppressive, so often we cruise areas and return to our hotel to absorb some air conditioning before heading out again.
2.  Most hotels in a central location are surrounded by restaurants, so you don't have to take a cab or look forward to a long walk in the evening.
3.  There is less of a safety concern when hotels are located in popular areas.

Stories

Stories from the Road
Bellingham, WA
October 2, 2017


Fall has come to this city on the banks of Puget Sound. Allegiant Air was our carrier from San Diego. The bare-bones airline flies twice a week directly to and from the small airport outside Bellingham. Our plane looked like it had seen better days, but it got us there safely. The airline looks like a bargain, but it charges for everything, I was surprised there wasn’t an oxygen tariff.

At the airport in San Diego, there were several police operations taking place. One woman was led away in handcuffs, and a group of three talked with police for about an hour. Finally, the authorities searched their bags. I was curious what was going on.

This morning we saw Lucas our nephews' new house in Bellingham. Later we walked through a running creek in a nearby park. At higher water levels local kayakers run the creek, which looked like class 4 with some class 5 drops, Between the mountains, rivers, and oceans, there are terrific outdoor resources in the area.

In the San Diego airport, I talked with some people from Poland, who were now living in Vancouver..Vicki and I had visited their country on a hiking trip, and we had a good time comparing noted. The family minus mom had cruised to San Diego and then vacationed there for a few days. The middle school-aged


boy was using a skateboard and carry a bogey board. I told his father he was a California kid now.

Is Your Child Depressed?

How do you know if your teenager is having bad times? The teen years are difficult as kids try to transition from being a protected child to a more autonomous young adult. The process is painful for many! Some young people become depressed in the process, need help, but don’t have the inner recourses to reach out.

Too often parents don’t read the signs of depression well or don’t want to admit to themselves that there is a problem within their family. The teenage suicide rate is high, so this isn’t a subject to take lightly!

Here are some signs that your child may be having difficulty.

1.    A withdrawal from friends and usual activities.

2.    A drop in grades.

3.    An increase in sleep.

4.    An irritable mood.

5.    A preoccupation with death.

6.    A lack of mirth.

7.    Signs of drug and alcohol abuse.

The worst thing parents can do is to do nothing. Often a young person will make it difficult for parents to intervene. The young person wants help, but then he or she doesn’t! After all, a young person is trying to be independent, and “help” may stimulate strong dependent needs for the adolescent. These feelings may be hard to acknowledge.

What should parents do? Here are some ideas:

1.    Talk with your teen and point out what you see.

2.    Consider having a meeting with school people with your teen.

3.    Offer a mental health evaluation or insist on it if necessary. Be willing to be part of the evaluation.

4.    Look at your self critically. Have you been remiss as a parent?

5.    Have a family meeting and let people express what they see and feel.

Here are some ways to find a mental health provider.

1.    Get a referral from your pediatrician.

2.    Get a referral from your child’s school.

3.    Talk with friends who may have leads.

4.    Call your local psychological association.

Often teenage depression is symptomatic of a larger family problem. By facing the problem a teenager and his or her family may become happier and more productive. A little help can go a long way!